Written October 17, 2013
Somewhere along the line I stopped exercising so I looked as good as possible in a bathing suit and started exercising so I don’t get osteoporosis. I honestly don’t know when this shift happened, but I love it. Who cares about that mirror image if I can still do down dog and ride my bike when I’m 90, right? And I love the whole idea of caring more about my bones, my inner self, than how I appear to others.
There have been other shifts that have gently made their way into my being, sometimes surprising me when I become aware of them, always making me pause and ponder.
I find myself being less concerned with pleasing people and more concerned with being honest. I’m less intent on convincing folks and more intent on understanding them. I’m generally less obsessed with being right and more with being kind. I’m far less consumed with being heard and more content with listening.
Overall, I feel separation and judgment fading away and building in its place is an intense drive to create more connection and compassion.
I’m certainly not done moving into these new spaces. Every so often I feel the tug of the former pulling me back. I’m oddly grateful for these retreats. They help me to see the contrasts more clearly and thus keep me on this track, this path that is winding me into my sixth decade with a sort of graceful, internal shape shifting. I don’t know where it leads, but it feels good. Very, very good.